I’d rather be single than divorced. But really. I have friends who, at my age, have now been married and divorced. I’d rather be single any day of the damn week than to marry (just to be married) some guy who I later find out collects baby dolls and doesn’t brush his tongue.
Freedom is fleeting. How many more times in your life will you be able to sit in your socks and a big t-shirt in front of the tv, binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix and eating full-fat peanut butter from a spoon on a Saturday? I can spend my money on what I want, sleep when I want, do what I want. I’m currently watching a Hallmark movie in my fleece pajamas eating cereal at 9 pm. I don’t have kids, a husband, or someone to roll their eyes and say, “you’re in bed already?” or “you’re wearing that again?” or “dry shampoo today, too?” Like Christina Aguilera said, “nobody gonna hold me down.”
How terrible dating has become. I guess it’s these stupid ass social dating apps that give guys this idea they can talk to a lady however they please and we’ll accept it because we should. EHHH wrong. Listen John, 28, 1 mile away, I don’t care who the f you think you are, you cannot tell me I’m sexy and to send nudes 26 seconds after matching with me. You don’t even KNOW me. What if I have pepperoni nipples? Or don’t believe in shaving? That could not even BE me in those pictures, you plum sucking idiot! What happened to men who want to take me out for coffee? Or compliment my intelligence? Or hold open the door for me? I know you’re out there. Just because y’all settle sure as hell doesn’t mean I’m going to. I don’t care if I’m 29 or 49, I know what I deserve and I am not settling for a John. #girlpower
Loving yourself is powerful (and important.) Ya, roll your eyes. We all learned it in Girl Scouts circa 1994, but loving yourself is hella important. If you don’t love who you are, you’ll never be happy or accept the love of someone else. You, like me, will think you’re not good enough. You’ll compare yourself to others, to those before. You’ll kill yourself trying to live up to your own expectations. How can you expect someone to love you completely if you don’t know how to love who you are completely, first? And plus, say shit does hit the fan and you’ve gotta move on, you have to be able to love yourself enough to know what you’re worth and to not settle until you find it.
Burn your list. We’ve all made one. Whether is was mental or written down in the back of some spiral notebook, you are just as guilty as me. It’s the list of “wants” that we make for our future significant other. Of all the things we hope they are, they have, or they do. Pretty sure mine included “he’ll drive a Porsche”, “have three dogs” and “can cook gourmet.” You see how that’s worked out for me. Having expectations of the people you date is a tragic mistake. It causes us to miss what is so good about them because we’re so focused on whats missing about them. What if they made a list of the things they wanted in a girl? Would you still make the cut?
Appreciate your friends. They are there for you through bad Tinder dates, through Mike and Matt and Mark. They bring wine, agree they were “the worst!” and send you pictures of your ex’s new girlfriend they found by stalking the internet for 3 hours just to tell you how much prettier you are. They won’t be your priority forever and you won’t be theirs. Appreciate it while you can. CHICKS BEFORE DICKS, AM I RIGHT?
Knowing exactly what you want. We’ve dated enough people to know what we don’t want and now have a pretty solid idea of the core values we are looking for in a significant other. Now, remember #5, no lists. But it is okay to know that you want as long as you don’t forgo someone just because they don’t have everything you want. Remember, they’re going to have to settle on some stuff that you don’t have, too.
We’re experts at heartbreak. Typically by this age, we’ve either been broken up with or broken up with someone, but either way we know how much it sucks. Heartbreak is all-consuming. But, luckily for us, it’s also curable. With fried food, a good bitch sesh, boxed wine and time, our heart eventually begins to heal itself, to come together at the seams. And eventually, we forget how painful it was altogether and agree to do it again (like childbirth, I’ve heard.) But it also teaches us that walking away from a bad relationship is not the end of the world. Although those first few days after having your heart broken can feel like you’re out at sea taking on water- life does go on, the sun comes out, the water recedes. We learn it’s not necessary to stay with the wrong person just to avoid being alone, because that’s terribly lonely as well.
Learning not to compare. Jealousy is a dangerous thing, but its also something every person in the world can relate to–because we’ve all experienced it. It’s hard not to be jealous when you see someones perfect relationship portrayed over Instagram or scroll Facebook to see another (eye roll) friend just got engaged. But I can guarantee you half of those people aren’t even truly happy, they’re posting pictures to make their life seem like something it isn’t to fool people like you and I into thinking it is. How do I know this? Because I’ve been that girl. Trust me, everyone wants what they can’t have. But I’m really trying to be better at the idea of being happy for them instead of jealous of them, because when my time comes, I’d want them to do the same.
What’s to come. It’s kind of exciting to think that right now, there is someone out there who is going to totally rock your world. Because it’s true. You’re going to meet him at the mall, the gym, Tinder for all I care. But, when you do, you’ll think back to all those ass clowns you dated before him that you tried to convince yourself were worthy of you and you’ll KNOW. You’ll know exactly why they went wrong and you’ll understand that you are exactly where you need to be. He is out there. You just have to patient until you find each other. You’ve got the rest of your life to be married, settled. Don’t take this moment of endless opportunity for granted. You’re future can be exactly how you want it to be, how many of your married friends can say that?